John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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