I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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