I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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