Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Less talking, more tequila
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
