One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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