woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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