the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
