There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
