come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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