You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
