Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
