Screwed.edu
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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