i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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