I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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