Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
