Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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