apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I love having hate sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
