Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
