What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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