I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't turn off my feet"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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