i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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