You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He shit in the fireplace
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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