You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
