This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize