TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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