ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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