to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
