did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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