The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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