i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tornado booty call.. dedication
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
