its not stalking. its research.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize