im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
