every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
