I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
