Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
