He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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