11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
