I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
