I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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