dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
