Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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