theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just blew my weed a kiss
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
