Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize