I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
