when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
