I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
