There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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