Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
