I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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