I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
