Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
