Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
