:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
