put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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