I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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