Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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