you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
