Pappa wants mamma naked
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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