Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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