Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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