found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
