fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have fence marks all over my body
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
