so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
