let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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