Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
