Michael Bay diarrhea
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
