He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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