I didn't shave. On purpose
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
