My room smells like vodka and shame
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
